


Withered Roses

by FruitLemonTea



Category: Dangan Ronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, toko hates twilight and nobody can change my mind
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:55:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26580997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FruitLemonTea/pseuds/FruitLemonTea
Summary: She can't understand how someone so beautiful would feel like that about herself.But then again-She did constantly feel that her soulmate was hurt all throughout childhood, and she was always worried for them. So maybe this is why. Something terrible must have happened to Toko, and that's why she's like this. Which... Komaru was very curious about it, but she doesn't want to pry into Toko's privacy.—TokoMaru Soulmate AU. I know the name sounds a lot like a sad ending but nahhhh. Just chose that name because it sounded cool and because yay cool edgy-ness, why not.
Relationships: Fukawa Touko/Genocider Syo | Genocide Jack/Naegi Komaru, Fukawa Touko/Naegi Komaru, Genocider Syo | Genocide Jack/Naegi Komaru, Kirigiri Kyoko/Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 14
Kudos: 99





	1. AUTHOR’S NOTES

Hi. This is me. The author, Star. Or StarOfDay/SoD/SD. Or FruitLemonTea/FLT. Or whatever you wanna call me. (Yes I have a lot of online names-)

First of all, a trigger warning to the story: BASICALLY EVERYTHING TOKO DOES ON A DAILY BASIS AND IT'S GONNA BE A VERY SAD AND DEPRESSING BEGINNING AND YEAH-

This time I'mma actually finish the darn story. Maybe. Jk I will, it won't be as long as the other one since it's obviously just a cute little hurt comfort story with cute little chapters, which means I'll actually be able to finish it. Probably no daily updates but it's gonna be kind of frequent.

And no spoilers of UDG/DR2/DRV3/Future Arc/Despair Arc for me please? I got into the series because of my favorite YouTuber and he's currently only finished DR1 and just now started on DR2, so yeah. I want to watch him play it because he's got awesome reactions, and unfortunately I'm the type to never rewatch something, otherwise I get bored, and I don't want that to happen with his videos. 

Or maybe if you really want to say something, put a 'SPOILER' and then say the actual thing in the comment section of that thread, which perfectly prevents people from accidentally reading the whole thing and BOOM, problem solved :>

Don't tell me the "oh but it's been out for so long you should know it" bullcrap either, you shouldn't shame anyone for not knowing something. All the books in the world have been out for so long, doesn't make it okay for me to tell you spoilers.

(Warning: There's not only Tokomaru, but also Naegamigiri, aka Makoto/Kyoko/BEE-YAH-KU-YAH :> so um yeahhh. Soulmate system thingy is really messed up, ha ha, ha...)

(Warning of the warnings: There's gonna be many references to other fandoms since I'm basically in all the fandoms. Except for JOJO, I don't watch JOJO and it's not because of the art style and I actually like the art style so yeah don't give me crap about that- don't worry though, the references won't affect your reading if you don't know it :>)

Basically the whole setting is just non-despair normal Highschool AU except these genius children still exists for some reason because magic. (I think I can somehow make it so that Hope's Peak is actually a college instead of Highschool because... I mean... You still gotta go to college no matter how much of a genius you are. Then I can hopefully make class 78 be a thing either way. :D)

There story will also come with head canons, but they're not really big changes, just small details. For example, Toko's handwriting, which you will see later. They won't change the story much, just cute little features I want to add.

The whole idea is basically you’re colorblind until you eventually meet your soulmate, and if your soulmate dies you return to being colorblind.

Soulmate AU idea comes from Google. Legit searched it up and BOOM.

I also added stuff about how if your soulmate is hurt physically and/or mentally you'd know but won't feel it (I don't know if that will make sense? It probably will start to as you read the fanfic...) blah blah blah. Stuff like that.

Also, soulmates in this AU doesn't necessarily mean it has to be in a romantic way. It can also be a friendly way. (And when the Author says that, you know darn well something like this is gonna happen in the story... So enjoy this half-spoiler half-not-spoiler because it's so obvious it was coming but anyways, yeahhhhh.


	2. To See Colors

Toko Fukawa's life has always been black and white. It's normal, for someone like her... She wouldn't have a soulmate. She wouldn't have someone who loves her, there's no way. She's just... Some ugly, unnoticeable, worthless person who doesn't deserve any attention whatsoever. And she considered the very few times in her life that she felt her soulmate being hurt a simple illusion of hers. And, though she would absolutely do anything for Byakuya's soulmate to be her, it's not.

But one day it sort of just happened.

She really didn't realize it at first, really. But when she looked out the window, she did. She noticed. How the grass had colors, and the flowers were so... vibrant. So vivid. Lively, yet still similar to that black and white state before. A bit pale in color, though she wouldn't know that until later in life.

She was in a daze when she realized it happened. She even thought she was just... Delusional. Something. But it can't be, she's a writer—though she does have...Imaginations, she's smart enough to know that, nobody who's gone without colors can actually imagine colors. It doesn't work like that, so she knew that it was real. She knew.

Then, she heard a voice: A soft, gentle voice.

"Hey. Can I sit there?"

It was the transfer student, who had just introduced herself, and now for some reason she wants to sit with Toko Fukawa of all people. Her name is... Omaru, right? Omaru Naegi. That's a... very weird name. She groaned, and turned around to look at her.

She stared.

It happened so suddenly that she didn't have a chance to endure it. To feel it. And she couldn't even find words to describe that moment, not even now, but she thought the best word to describe that moment was no word at all. It was something that not even literature can explain. Because, as she looked into Naegi's eyes, her world bursted into colors, with the girl in the center of it, like magic.

The new-ish world looked absolutely beautiful. It was so unusual with the world before. It's... It stunned her. To the point she can somehow stutter in her mind.

Toko blinked, trying to see if it was just her imagination. But obviously, it wasn't. The bright, vibrant world was still there with her.

Toko looked back at Naegi, who just.. Stood there. Not really doing anything, simply frozen in place from the shock of also seeing colors and meeting her soulmate.

"O-oh, " She said awkwardly, as she obviously didn't know what to do either. But she quickly sat down, knowing the teacher would definitely be annoyed if she took too long, and she probably didn't want to explain that she actually just met her soulmate and can now see colors to the teacher in front of a whole class of strangers. That's Toko's guess, at least.

Toko could then see Naegi staring at her, with a surprised expression on her face. D-did she look that ugly? Toko instinctively bit her lips. Maybe, now that there are colors, she'll... be even more ugly... like she should be... "W-why are you looking a-at me like t-that?"

"N-nothing! Nice to meet you, anyways... I'm Komaru! Komaru Naegi. " Oh. So it's Komaru, not Omaru. That.. does make sense. She was wondering why someone would name their kid that, but then again, who is she to talk?

"What's your name? Since, you know." Komaru smiled at Toko. Gosh, how can someone just.. Do that? That was probably brighter than the colors she was just now able to see. Is that normal for people who can see color? Like, to look at someone smiling and all of a sudden they feel like they're blind?

"Y-you'll probably forget my name anyways, " Toko muttered, looking away from her. "But... I-it's Toko. Toko Fukawa. "

"Of course I won't forget it! You're uh... My soulmate! " Komaru said cheerfully, clearly happy to meet her, with a hint of worry as she looked at Toko.

"What, i-is there something on my f-face? Are you w-wondering why this ugly p-pig is your soulmate?!" Toko said with her usual spite.

"Wh-what?! No! Of course not, why would I think that? In fact, you're quite pretty, Toko. " Komaru said, acting as if she's telling the truth. Toko knows what she's thinking.

"You're just saying that t-to make yourself feel better about having such a d-disgusting soulmate. " Toko refused to believe that. It's not the truth anyways. She knows when someone is lying, and Komaru is definitely lying!

Komaru sighed, the worry in her voice growing. She sounds as if she's comforting a child or something...! "I promise, it's not like that. I don't know why you think that way, but... since we're apparently soulmates, I want you to know that I don't think that of you."

Toko turned around and stared at her for a second before stuttering out an answer. "S-seriously? No way, y-you're just t-trying to..." She trailed off, not knowing what to say to that. How is she supposed to reject such kindness? Towards her? Though, wouldn't it be selfish of her to accept such kindness anyways?... "Whatever, y-you're stupid anyways... a-and ugly. " She lowered her head and quickly added in, feeling the guilt. "I-in a c-cute way."

"Um... Thank you...?" Komaru rubbed the back of her head.

She can't understand how someone so beautiful would feel like that about herself.

But then again—She did constantly feel that her soulmate was hurt all throughout childhood, and she was always worried for them. So maybe this is why. Something terrible must have happened to Toko, and that's why she's like this. Which... Komaru was very curious about it, but she doesn't want to pry into Toko's privacy. She literally met her like a minute ago. 

But she can't deny that she's already attracted to Toko... wait, no! Looks aren't everything! But Toko is a nice girl... Well, seems like it at least. Though her self-esteem is a biiiit low... Okay, maybe more than a bit. Still...

She couldn't even really pay attention to the class. All she could think about was her soulmate, being worried about what really happened to her. Maybe she shouldn't be wondering about things like this... Especially since they've barely talked besides that one conversation they just had! And that was just one very short conversation... But she's still worried! It is her soulmate though, so maybe it's somehow okay?

She looked back at Toko, and she suddenly wondered what Toko would look like if she had her hair down... And her glasses off. The more she thought about it, the more often she turned around to look at Toko.

She'd look absolutely gorgeous, Komaru thought, suddenly feeling her face get hot.

"Wh-what now?" Toko's voice interrupted her thoughts. Wait. No. What? Did she just- oh heck no Komaru calm down, why did she just stare at Toko? It's not like she's never seen pretty girls! Well, um... Toko's different, but still! She wanted to go back in time and just bump herself on the head. That's... Really creepy! What if Toko thinks she's a creep or something?

"Sorry! I didn't mean to..." Komaru waved her hands and tried to concentrate on work instead. And she failed. But hey, at least now she's not staring at Toko, she's only thinking in her head now! Aaand that's good!! Right?

...Right??

—

It's lunchtime, and the class just ended. Komaru looked over to her now-soulmate and smiled. "Hey Toko!"

Toko seemed distracted, quickly writing in a small notebook, her handwriting being quite sloppy due to how quick she's writing. But Komaru could tell it's really pretty if she'd slow down. Toko didn't even look up from writing as she hushed Komaru, not even stuttering. "I'm getting inspiration, hush!"

"Oh, um, sorry..." Komaru laid her head on the desk as she felt a bit devastated that she's not as important as a notebook. But it might be really important to Toko... Okay, maybe she shouldn't get jealous over a notebook.

Woah, what.

Jealous? Nahhh, no way, that's... um... bull... bullcrap! Komaru thought. No way she's jealous, she's just sad her soulmate chose a notebook over her. That's all...

"S-so, w-what was i-it?" Toko's voice interrupted Komaru's thoughts.

Toko couldn't believe she just hushed Komaru. What if it was something important? Oh no. She feels incredibly guilty. She was too invested into this one storyline, but... But it's still... Komaru would probably think she's a ugly, rude freak and leave her and never talk to her again and get new friends and she'll never have a soulmate and she'll be forever alone and she'll always think back to this day where she regrets this stupid decision she made and hate herself forever.

Toko bit her lips.

"H-hey, you should stop doing that..." Komaru looked worried again as she reached out a hand to sort of pat Toko on her shoulder.

"D-doing what? Do y-you think I-I'm some r-rude and d-disgusting freak? Is t-that it?" Toko leaned away from her in the chair. That's definitely what's happening...!

"No! I-I meant your lips. You shouldn't bite them, it'll hurt. It's a bad habit, you know." Komaru's expression then quickly changed from worried to happy—a bit calming, even, as she pulled out a lunchbox from her school bag. "Anyways, I was thinking... Maybe we can eat together!"

"E-eat together?" Toko stared. "B-but..." She had no idea how to. She... Never really ate with anyone together. Not at home. Not at school. Not anywhere. It was like a sign of Toko being unimportant. Nobody would care if Toko sat in the classroom or at the rooftop, because nobody cared about Toko.

But Komaru just... invites her to eat together. So casually. What is she even thinking? To talk to someone like Toko, and... sit together at lunch? Sure, they're soulmates, but...

Toko wanted to bite her lips again, but remembered what Komaru literally just said, and she held back the urge. "F-fine. Just so you k-know, I d-didn't bring l-lunch."

"Oh, you don't have lunch? That's fine, we can always go to the convenient store to buy some." Komaru said cheerfully as she gently held Toko's hand, as if she's scared Toko would get hurt from holding hands or something.

"...That's n-not the p-point." Toko looked away from her.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Komaru tilted her head in confusion. What does she mean by that? They're just gonna go to the store and... Wait... Could it be? No way, that's...

"T-Toko, I'm sorry... You can have half of my lunch!" Komaru said with pity in her eyes.

"What? S-Sorry for what?" Toko was confused by her behavior. She just doesn't want to go over to the convenient store and have more people think she's weird and disgusting, that's all... Why would Komaru be sorry about that?

"N-no, nothing, actually, you can have all my lunch." Komaru put her lunchbox in Toko's hand as she looked at her with sympathy. She must be really poor or something and can't afford lunch... that's probably how she's been hurt throughout her childhood. And she wants to pursue a career of writing, but it's really hard for her and her family doesn't support it since it doesn't earn money, and that's why she writes like she's running out of time... What a tragic backstory, Komaru can feel tears in her eyes already.

Alright, Komaru thought to herself. She's going to support Toko on this no matter what!

—

Not-really spoiler alert: She's completely off.  
(Alsonothatwasnotareferencenotatall)


	3. Walking Home

Toko dipped her head and walked quickly out of the classroom, as she didn't want to cause unneeded attention onto herself. Though it's not like anyone would want to notice someone like her.

"Hey!!"

Toko groaned. It's her new table mate aka soulmate, who she learned was an annoying and energetic girl who can't seem to know anything. Seriously, how is she even alive up until this point? She acts like she would fall for the dumbest traps.

"W-what is it?" Toko turned around. Komaru smiled at her, and Toko flinched again at how she can be confident in... just... smiling. She could never have that type of confidence. Or maybe it's just because she's ugly...

"I thought maybe it'll be best if we walk home together, since, well... we should get to know each other!" Komaru said in such a happy tone that sort of made Toko sick.

"You d-don't even know wh-where my house is..." Toko replied. She absolutely did not want Komaru to be around on the way home! What if she... Sneezes..? Then Komaru would hate her and think she's disgusting and never talk to her ever again and she'll lose her soulmate and she would be lonely forever with no friends and no lovers and rot away somewhere in a forbidden forest with rats and other pests.

"Well, yeah, but maybe we go the same direction, you never know. " Komaru shrugged, not noticing Toko's discomfort. Or maybe she did notice, and she secretly hates Toko so she wants to get out all her secrets and then repeat the history... after all, nobody would like Toko Fukawa. It's a fact.

"Um, hey, are you okay?" Komaru patted Toko on the head lightly, looking worried again. "You zoned out a bit there..." She wondered if that would be too far. Maybe she didn't like strangers? Perhaps she shouldn't have asked, what if Toko feels really uncomfortable?

Toko frowned, realizing she's probably not going to be able to change her mind. Komaru is definitely going to follow her either way to get her secret out or something like that... She grunted and started walking away from the girl quickly. "F-fine, and when you're d-disappointed, don't blame m-me..."

Komaru's worried look quickly turned to a smile and walked with Toko to the front gates. She pointed at the right side of the gate. "My house is that way, " she said cheerfully, and when she looked back at Toko to see her frown grow, she knew it. Komaru gave Toko a smirk, while Toko just didn't want to say anything and walked quickly.

"Hey! Don't walk that fast, I thought we agreed on knowing each other better!" Komaru caught up to Toko's attempt to escape. "You're not very good at running, by the way... You're panting already. "

"Hush, " Toko looked away. Of course she's not, she absolutely HATES P.E. and there's no way anyone can change her mind. She'd always have to wear a stupid gym uniform with stupid shorts that reveal the- the... those. 

It's bad enough that she needs to hide it already, and now she needs to hide it from her soulmate. Because if Komaru ever saw it, either she's going to tell everyone about how much of a freak she is or she's going to be grossed out and never talk to her again and it's just going to be bad. It's always going to be bad. Just great.

(ONE ADDITIONAL THING I WANT TO SAY!!! It's so important I need to interrupt the story. The whole idea about Toko hating P.E. due to her scars didn't come from me, it was from a fanfic on AO3!! The credit of that goes to the original creator. Their fanfic is called With Each Step She Takes, it's on AO3, please do remember to go check it out!!! Their writing is absolutely amazing!)

"Oh! Uh, sorry." Komaru realized that it might be something to do with Toko's tragic backstory, especially since Toko suddenly looked... Sad? She can't really explain it, but she knows it's not good. So she immediately apologized, feeling bad. "I'm.. I'm so sorry I brought it up. "

"Yeah, w-whatever." Toko's response was spiteful as always. "You'll p-probably think I'm s-some kind of l-loser who can't even r-run." Which is true, she thought.

"N-no! Gosh, Toko, I said I don't..." Komaru face palmed. She's going to make Toko stop with this bad habit, one way or another!

"Say what you w-want, Omaru." Toko looked away. See, that's the thing with Omaru. She's so "special"—in a bad way, of course, why would it be in the good way?—she can't even realize the truth.

"I really don't- wait, what? My name is Komaru! Why would my name be Omaru?" She seemed a bit shocked to hear that.

"I'm c-calling you Omaru e-either way. "

—

"We can't just walk without a single word!" Said Komaru, deciding that this was too boring and she wanted to add spice into things. Well, not like... drama type of spice, but maybe friendly conversation type of spice.

"What do you w-want?" Toko did not want to hear what she had to say. Probably something stupid about magic of friendship and... stuff...

"Well... Let's tell each other our hobbies, Toko! That might be a nice start... Me first?" Komaru suggested, since she knew Toko definitely wouldn't want to start first. This is a great chance for her to learn more about Toko and support her dream!

"Fine." Toko just went through with whatever Komaru wanted to do. Not like she'll be able to stop her anyways. The girl has that sort of vibe and energy to her.

"Okay, so I definitely know what I like to do... I read manga!" Komaru said proudly, as if that's something she should be proud of.

"Manga?!" Toko shrieked with horror. "That's- that's barely even... It's not real literature at all! It's a picture book!" How can she even read that?

"What? No! How can you ever hate manga?" Komaru stopped walking and crossed her arms. "Mangas are really wonderful, you know! They're entertaining. You should try them out!" She suggested, a bit offended by Toko's words.

"I will n-never read that type of garbage in my life." Toko said, sounding pretty serious with the amount of hate she put into her words.

"Uh... Alright... Okay then....." Komaru isn't really happy about Toko dismissing her hobby, but there's reasons, and she thought again back to Toko's backstory. Maybe it's because she was really poor and she loved literature too much... Yup. That must be it. "So... I guess your hobby is also reading, since you seem to know a lot?" She asked, pretending she didn't know so she can get to the main topic and support Toko.

"I'm... a writer." Toko admitted.

Komaru seemed a bit surprised, but that's obviously fake, since she's trying to pretend to get to know Toko's interest, when she knew all along! "Oh! What type of books do you write?" She was actually curious about that one, she guessed horror or mystery.

"Romance." Toko dipped her head again. Komaru would probably find it weird how she's such a disgusting thing but writes romance. 'Oh, look at her, how can she ever imagine romance? How pathetic that she writes romance novels but doesn't have anyone who loves her?' Something like that. She's 99.9% sure that's what Komaru would think. 

...Except she's not so sure anymore when she took a small glance at Komaru's face.

Komaru's eyes lit up. "Oooo! Romance? You didn't seem the type, but ohhh! I'm curious now! Do you have a draft or something I can read? I have a feeling that it's gonna be so good it goes famous!" She's not lying when she said that. She could feel it when Toko was talking about 'real literature'. Not like she agrees with Toko or likes how she said that, but... There was passion in there, she knows it, it's one of the small things Komaru can notice. And plus she's here to support Toko!

"I d-do have published books.." Toko looked a bit more proud now, which to Komaru was a good thing. Yet she quickly went back to the hunched shoulders and all that before, maybe even worse, which was definitely not good.

"Oooo! That means you're really good! Even though you're the same age as me..." Komaru felt a bit outdone now, since she's just some ordinary girl with ordinary interests, but Toko wrote a published book and all that! But her book must be doing bad... No no no she's here to support her! She has to know! "What's the name? I'll make sure to buy it!"

"...So Lingers The Ocean."

Komaru blinked. Did she mishear that? "...Say that again?"

Toko didn't even need to look at Komaru's face to know she's shocked. She knew it, that's what Komaru would think! Her instincts were correct! There's no way Komaru would be... Supporting her or... something dumb like that! "...S-So Lingers The Ocean. What, d-did you think such an u-ugly-"

"No no no no no! No I didn't! And- I'm just- what?!" Komaru's mouth dropped. "I'm so.. So excited!! I didn't know you were the author of So Lingers!"

"Did you just... abbreviate the title of my book? In front of the author?" Toko frowned. She doesn't like it when people do that. To her, it's sort of a disgrace to the name she wrote. But then, again, why would anyone care how Toko Fukawa feels? 

Why would Toko Fukawa ever have the right to feel upset?

"Oh- um... sorry!" Komaru's apology stopped Toko from thinking further about that. Somehow her timing is always correct... Which sort of annoys Toko with how she's always able to stop Toko from that. It's not like Komaru actually cares, she'll just get Toko attached and then stab her in the back.

She took a few seconds to process what the conversation was just now about. Right, abbreviation... "It's... fine." She expected that much from Komaru anyways.

Komaru suddenly widened her eyes. "Wait... So Lingers The Ocean is really popular right? It's a bestseller right? So... there's a lot of money from it?"

Toko didn't really get what Komaru was on about, so she was confused. Komaru can't possibly be dumb enough to not know that, right? "Y-yes? So did the a-awards I got."

"S-so you're NOT a poor girl who wanted to pursue your dream but got turned down by your family because you're too poor and your career isn't doing badly?!!?!?!?!!"

".....What."

–

"I-I guess my theory was wrong, haha... ha..." Komaru laughed awkwardly. "I uh, just guessed all that. That's all."

"S-Sure." Toko looked at Komaru with an expression that says "I-don't-think-so-you're-definitely-hiding-something".

"Wait, so when you said books with an s, you meant it?" Komaru said, trying to change the subject. Good for her, though, because it worked.

"I'm a writer. I won't misspeak, especially such a... a low-level mistake..."

"S-Sorry!" Komaru rubbed her head. "Wait, so..." Her eyes lit up again with excitement, and she looked at Toko expectantly. "Can I have an autograph?"

"A... what?" Toko wasn't really confused, she's just... shocked to hear that. Nobody ever really wanted an autograph from her. Actually, nobody really even knew Toko was the creator. They probably don't even know her name. They don't care. Not for Toko Fukawa.

"Autograph! Like, a signature from you! Maybe on my notebook? No... Oh, right! On my bag would be fine! Pleaseeee?" Komaru now looked at her with that face.

"I.. I know what an autograph is! It's just... " Toko couldn't think of a way to reject. "...Fine. I'm n-not used to this, don't b-be disappointed if it turns out h-horrible."

—

"I don't know what you were thinking when you said it might turn out horrible." Komaru sighed as she adored the signature on her bag. "It's beautiful! I meant your handwriting. It's really good! Like... Super neat!" She knew it would be pretty if Toko wrote slower, but she never knew it'll be like... this pretty.

"I'm a w-writer." Toko reminded her yet again.

"I know! I just... Ugh, it's just... Really good!" Komaru suddenly jumped on Toko and bear hugged her. Now Toko's backstory remains a mystery, but now she knows it's nothing near being poor... Oh well. She'll support Toko either way, since she's her soulmate. Plus, she knows Toko is a really nice person. She just knows! It's an instinct. Maybe she's just psychic, like that one famous idol Makoto used to have a huuuuuge crush on!

"W-what?! Stop! N-no! I'm not- Not used to h-hugs!" Toko froze in place, not knowing what to do. She's never hugged anyone before! How is she supposed to... Ugh, she's... She's not used to this. Nobody ever hugged her. Not even physical contact. Unless, she can count in the times where... it happens.

Komaru just hugged even tighter, suddenly feeling the need to do that for some strange reason she couldn't quite put her hands on. "I'll make you used to it!"

Toko sighed.


	4. Sleepover Time

Toko was invited to a sleepover.

Yes, a sleepover. She couldn't say no. The past few weeks she's been with Komaru, she sort of grew on to the girl, though her request still sounded dumb to Toko.

It just came out of the blue. Toko wasn't sure she'll be able to go, but she was surprised when she was able to. Or maybe they simply didn't want to see her face, and they're glad she's gone. They wouldn't care. No, they don't care. It's for a fact.

She stood there for who knows how long, some sort of magical mental barrier preventing her from ringing the doorbell. Which, to normal people, should be an easy thing to do. Yet, to Toko, it was harder than anything.

She turned around and pressed her back on the door, her body sliding down and sat on the floor. She hugged herself, wondering what the Hell she's doing and why she can't ring a simple little doorbell. It's Komaru's home, not her own. Why is she even scared?

But a voice in her head told her that she shouldn't do it. She shouldn't even be here. She's only here because Komaru took pity on her or something like that. At least now she knows this girl can't possibly be wanting to pry open secrets since she's way too naive for that, but... Toko doesn't know. 

(She wants to be here.)

Toko buried her face in her arms. That's it, no more procrastinating. What if Komaru really doesn't have ill intentions? She doesn't seem like the type anyways. She's not annoyed by Toko either, since... She literally invited Toko to a sleepover and wanted to walk home with Toko all the time. 

But Toko couldn't understand why, then, that someone would want to take pity on Toko Fukawa of all people. Being soulmates? That's a lame answer, there's lots of soulmates who didn't like each other and ended up saying farewell.

But she didn't want that.

—

Komaru could feel it again. Just like before. It decreased recently, especially since she actually met Toko, but it's... coming back. And worse. So, so much worse. It sort of makes here even more frustrated just knowing that something is happening, and she doesn’t even know what has happened.

It's such an awful feeling. And it wasn't only once, it repeated throughout the night. To know that Toko was hurt, physically or mentally—maybe even both, but she couldn't do anything to help. She's absolutely helpless while all she could do is curl up in her bed and pray. She could only feel it get worse and worse, it was just... horrible in general. And the next day when she saw Toko, she wanted to ask, yet she couldn't. 

Something about Toko's expression told her it's not the best idea to ask her in school or when they're walking home. Something told Komaru that it would make the situation worse. It's not like she's actually psychic or anything, but something told her that it's not something she should ask Toko about, or something she should even mention... Not in school, at least.

...So she decided to, instead, invite Toko to a sleepover. That's what friends do, anyways. They have enclosed space and they can spend the night however they want.

Komaru sat on the sofa, wondering if it's a good decision at all since Toko obviously didn't like the idea and thought it was stupid, when she heard the doorbell ring.

"I'm coming!" She quickly ran in front of the window and sort of made sure she didn't look like a mess. Then, she ran back to the front and opened the door, surprised to see it was Toko.

"Oh! You're... You're here early. Really early. Why-" She was going to ask, but... "I meant wh.... w-wow! That's great! You're here early, that means we can hang out together even longer..!" Komaru awkwardly changed what she was going to say, hoping Toko didn't notice. Good thing is that she didn't.

"Y-you'll probably r-regret th-this..." Toko said, stuttering more than usual. Komaru also noticed how she was hesitating to step in. "I-I'm not g-going to be y-your best friend o-or something just because of t-this, alright? Just b-because we're s-soulmates... I-it doesn't mean a-anything, got it?"

"Yeah yeah, I get it." Komaru smiled at Toko, hoping that would maybe make her feel better. Toko has a way of acting not nice at all but end up being really nice. She can't put it to words, since she's not really a writer like Toko, but it's basically something like that. Toko would come off as mean if you don't know her well, but she knows Toko don't mean it.

Toko finally built up the courage. It was as if Komaru's smile had magic or something. She steps inside, looking around. She wasn’t surprised at all. It's so... Ordinary. Normal. Warm. Yes, she can now see colors, and she now can identify the color schemes. Though it didn't do much for Toko besides the pure definition of making her see colors.

School for her was gray, dull without a doubt, only the fields of grass look slightly better. Only slightly. Her own house was exactly the same, except with so much more darkness added to it, and it overwhelms her. She can't even tell if it's just her mental affect or not.

But Komaru's home is just... warmth. It's sort of amazing how she can find someone else's house more comforting than her own. Funny, even. It’s not normal, and it’s not supposed to be this way, but it is. Sometimes she would wish she was normal, ordinary, loved. Anything that isn’t her.

"Toko?" Komaru asked worriedly. Toko snapped out of her awe, realizing she must've zoned out or something like that. She hoped that didn't make her seem more like a freak. Or maybe it did and Komaru is just too nice to admit it.

"A-aren't your p-parents home?" Toko asked.

"Nope! They're at work, duh. Even though it's Saturday." Komaru sticked our her tongue. "They're pretty busy, in fact. I do have a older brother, he's in our school too! You might even know him... But he's out somewhere else right now with his soulmates, so that's just great."

"J-just as I e-expected..." Toko mumbled.

Komaru looked at her, puzzled. "What? What do you mean?"

"You're n-normal. Every p-part of you is s-so... Normal." Toko said, stating it as a fact.

"W-well! Sorry I'm not a super talented writer with like, over 80 books and several best sellers!" Komaru folded her arms.

That shut Toko up, though Komaru slowly put her arms down as realization seeped in. It's... Oh no. It's got to have something to do with her mysterious tragic sad backstory! No no no. She just teared off old wounds and spilled salt on them! Not exactly a great simile... um, metaphor? But whatever, still!

"I-I mean! Uh, you know, being ordinary isn't exactly a good thing either! And um..." oh crap she's messing this up... "Uh- I'm not exactly that ordinary either!"

"H-How?" Toko looked at her, brows furrowed. She can't understand how someone completely ordinary would say that they're not ordinary when they clearly are.

"Well... Don't you think, that.... I'm so ordinary that I'm not? It's sort of not ordinary to be so ordinary, you know?" Komaru said, somehow looking proud.

"...I d-don't see t-the point." Toko doubted that. She sounds like a child.

"U-uhhHh..! Either way, just sit down! What do you want to eat? Movie?" Komaru rushed her on the sofa and ran into the kitchen, searching the refrigerator.

"N-no. I'm n-not hun-" Her stomach rumbled. "...Fine. I'll e-eat whatever y-you have."

Komaru quickly came back with two cups of ramen noodles in her hands, and she handed one to Toko.

"Is t-this..." Toko looked disgusted.

"H-hey! Don't judge ramen noodles! They're great. Just try it." Komaru said, then started to pick a movie. What movie would Toko like? She hadn't really thought this out... Maybe a romantic one, since she writes romance novels.

"I-I'll try it, I guess." Toko blessed herself before taking a small bite, and she blinked. It actually tasted fine. Well... Not too bad. "It's... N-not that terrible."

"See?" Komaru smiled, and handed the remote to Toko. "Now pick a movie!"

"Wh-what?" Toko stared at Komaru. "I-I don't k-know what t-to watch...!" She stumbled over her words more, not knowing what to do.

"Oh, you can pick whatever you see fit. Or maybe I can pick it for you?" Komaru suggested, since Toko looks like she's about to have a stroke over picking a movie to watch.

"Y-you pick it." Toko quickly shoved the remote back to Komaru's hands.

"Alright... And don't get mad if it's bad! Romance movies mostly aren't that good, though I'm not really one to judge..." Komaru said as she looked through the movies, and stumbled upon one.

"'Withered Roses'..." Komaru mumbled. "It's about two people who like each other but doesn't know it, and when they do notice it, they're too nervous to tell..." She looked at Toko.

"Sounds like a c-cliche story..." Toko looked away. "They'll p-probably end up h-having a happy e-ending."

"But you never know! I'm going to pick this one." Komaru immediately turned on the movie before Toko could say no, and she sat back.

—

"G-get off o-of m-me!" Toko pushed Komaru away from her. Komaru just hugged tighter as she continued to sob. "I-it's so sad... They had a bad ending!"

"I-I know! Stop c-crying over i-it..." Toko groaned. Why did Komaru even cry? It wasn't even that sad, the whole storyline was terrible. She can tell her a thousands reasons of why that movie wasn't good.

"Okay... I'm sorry, I just wanted a hug." Komaru sniffed, and she devoured all the rest of her ramen noodles in her sadness. "It's such a sad story..."

"I'd say it's p-pretty basic." Toko remarked, not looking impressed. She decided, instead, not to tell Komaru how terrible the movie is. She'll probably be even more sad if she did...

"Aw, I'm being really sad over here!"Komaru whined, making a puppy face.

"A-alright! I g-get it, stop l-looking at me like t-that..." Toko covered her face with both her hands in embarrassment. For some reason, she can't reject Komaru when she does that. Which really sucks.

—

"Are you d-done?" Toko sat there frozen for a while now, her body feeling a bit numb. Komaru was hugging her, in a position where her head laid on her shoulders.

She wondered if Komaru would cry while watching Twilight... and she cringed at the thought. She's never watched the movie, but she did read the book in her curiosity... And curiosity kills the cat. She couldn't go on after only a few minutes of reading, and that disgrace of a book is now in the corner of her room with dust on it.

Her thought drifted back to reality as she looked at Komaru, then realizing that she's asleep. Great, wonderful, now she has to wake her up.

But as Toko reached out her hand to wake up the now sleeping Komaru while looking at her, she suddenly froze again.

She realized, that, she didn't want Komaru to wake up. She wanted this moment to last longer. She wanted the hug to extend. Truly, she's never had hugs. And she never knew that human interaction can feel so nice. She wanted the comfort to never end.

Toko realized it as quickly as she dismissed the thought, going back to her usual self-loath again. She felt worthless, and that she absolutely did not deserve this.

And then Komaru woke up.


	5. Toko Really Needs A Bath And Komaru Solves That Problem Right Fricking Now

"Toko?" Komaru rubbed her eyes in confusion. She looked around and suddenly realized she must've fallen asleep. She quickly got up and got away from Toko, knowing she definitely doesn't like hugs. She's actually surprised Toko didn't wake her up...

"Y-yeah? What? D-did your b-brain melt while you s-slept?" Toko quickly looked away from Komaru and spoke fast, making Komaru confused with her reaction. 

"Sorry.. I know you don't like long physical contact." Komaru looked down, expecting an answer, but she heard nothing in return. She curiously looked up at Toko, who still had her head turned away. She stood up quietly to sort of get around and comfort Toko, but she suddenly stopped when she saw Toko's face.

Her eyes shone and glittered, her entire face covered with pink. Her expression was something Komaru couldn't quite get a grasp on, and she didn't pause for too long before patting Toko. "...Unless you're fine with it, of course." She's not quite sure why in the world she said that, but it appears to her that Toko is fine with it.

"N-no! Of course I'm not f-fine with i-it!" Toko's expression before quickly went away she she denied Komaru's statement, also getting up from the couch and folding her arms. "I-it's a sleepover, r-right? I think we're a-supposed to sleep n-now."

"Well, it does look pretty late..." Komaru looked at the clock. It was 8pm. "But we still have time. It's Saturday anyways. Let's go take a bath first before we play some games!" She said, then she looked back at Toko. And she instantly knew something was wrong. She could tell by Toko's face.

"A-a bath? No, y-you can g-go take a b-bath yourself..." Toko looked down and her body was shaking. It was visibly shaking.

"Hey, Toko..? Are you okay?" Komaru bent down to look at Toko. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing is w-wrong!" Toko shrieked. Okay, now that's definitely not normal... Komaru got near Toko a bit. She frowned. "Toko, be honest... when was the last time you took a bath?"

Toko went quiet, seeming to count the number of days... or months? "Maybe... t-three weeks a-ago."

"Toko...!" Komaru's frown grew as she gently took Toko's hand, not wanting to grab her. "Okay, listen... that's not healthy for you. I'm worried about you, so... can you take the bath with me?"

"B-but," Toko stuttered, wanting to give a reply. "Look at my eyes." Komaru said, cutting Toko off.

Toko hesitantly did so, and she slowly nodded. "B-but if I f-faint and d-die, it's y-your f-fault!" She said, a bit furious.

"Alright!" Komaru smiled and led Toko to her room upstairs. She then went in the bathroom, starting to fill the tub up with water. "Don't worry! I'll make sure you don't drown!"

"T-that doesn't make m-me feel b-better!" Toko replied, yelling a bit since she can't really hear Komaru over the water. She sat on the bed and stared down at herself. Specifically, she stared at her scars. Through her uniform. She could just imagine how it looks.

She stared at it.

"Alright! Done!" Komaru came out of the bathroom with warm water on her hands. She noticed Toko was staring down at herself, and she patted Toko on the shoulder. "Heyyy! The tub is filled."

"N-no!" Toko suddenly shrieked, leaning back away from Komaru. "I-I've changed my m-mind! It's... a h-horrible i-idea!" She actually seemed frightened.

"It's gonna be okay, alright? I'm here, so you won't be hurt." Komaru gave her best smile. She doesn't know how to actually do that, but she just tried to smile more cheerfully than usual. It actually kind of worked, since Toko stopped shaking as much.

"Th-that's..." Toko looked away. "...Not the point..." Her voice grew smaller as she spoke. "J-just look away when..."

"Ohh! Right! Right, that makes sense! Don't worry, of course I won't look!" Komaru had an understanding face as she turned around and walked out. "I'm going to be outside, so take your time! Don't worry about me peeking."

Toko was suddenly speechless as she looked at the door Komaru just closed. She looked back down at herself again, sighing.

—

Toko looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were instantly drawn to the scars, and she very quickly used her hands to cover them. She didn't want Komaru to see them. She can imagine so many ways this will go wrong...

"Are you done, Toko?" Komaru said from the other side.

"Y-yes!" Toko replied, keeping her hands firm on her thighs. Komaru wouldn't notice anything if she just cover it the whole time. She just needs to make sure she don't accidentally do something stupid... Like taking it off unknowingly.

Komaru came in the room and she started to take her own clothes off. She doesn't even seem affected by being seen by Toko... Why can someone be confident like that?

(Maybe because Komaru was pretty. Toko wasn't-)

Toko shook her head, looking away. It's not like she wants to see Komaru's body, she's just admiring how naive this girl is. Yup. That's all.

Her grip on her thighs tightened. She stared at the tub of water, feeling unease. Then, she felt a pat on the head as Komaru went in front of her and happily went into the bathtub, now looking at Toko expectantly. "C'mon! See? It's fun! And really nice. And warm."

Toko had a whole in fight with herself in her mind at that moment. She then decided, that she got her clothes off and everything, so she might as well just do it so that Komaru could stop bothering her about it. Because she knows that Komaru would probably drag her in if she didn't go in herself.

So she reached out both her hands to make sure she doesn't fall into the tub and make a fool of herself, and she slowly went in.

She let the water go over her chest, and that's about it. If it goes any further, Toko knows she'll start to freak out. More than she already is doing, anyways. Like. Faint, maybe. It actually happened before. And she curled up as she sat in there, feeling the air getting awkward. See, this is why she absolutely hates this! It's going to get awkward and Komaru would think, 'oh she's so boring, what a loser, can't even go in the bathtub without shivering'.

Out of curiosity, she looked up to take a glance at Komaru's face, wanting to see if that really is how she reacted.

And she froze when she saw that Komaru was staring at her, and she immediately thought about her own body. There's no way Komaru would just be looking at her for no reason. Then she thought of the scar. Then she realized, that when she was trying to make sure she doesn't fall, she used both of her hands.

—

"Um... so! How does it feel? Nice, right?" Komaru was obviously the one to break the ice, and she tried her best to hide her look by smiling.

Toko didn't respond.

Oooh no she must've been looking at Toko for too long. That might've been a little too creepy. But still. She could feel her face burning as she looked back at Toko. Oh no this is bad this is bad, this is reallly bad. She miiiight actually think her friend is... um.... hot. As in, 'She's so cute when she's shy like that I really wanna kiss her, oh my goodness look at her lips they're so cute oh no' type of hot. That type of hot.

She never really thought of the whole soulmate thing like that. It was just... Like, it was mostly just friendship, but apparently it might not be friendship because she's really holding back the urge to pour water on her face to calm down, except she can't because that would probably look a little too weird...

"So uh... what games do you want to play after this?" Komaru asked, trying again to make the situation better. It didn't, because Toko still wouldn't respond. "Oookay... then... I'll just pick it then. What about truth or dare? Um..." oh this is really awkward.

"F-fine." Toko finally said, still not looking happy. Komaru, however, felt relief. "Well... you haven't answered my last question." She said.

"It's..." Toko paused for a second, and she realized that it actually isn't that bad. It's not like this when she's alone, because she'd be thinking back to... that, and it would practically be torture for her. But it wasn't, not when Komaru is around, because she'd been thinking about Komaru instead. Well that's pretty nice, she supposed, but it wouldn't change how much she dislikes it.

"Yeah...?" Komaru pushed a bit. She wanted to know how Toko felt, and by her looks, she would guess that it wasn't as bad anymore.

"It's a-alright, I g-guess." Toko's voice was more quiet than usual, and she didn't wait for Komaru to say anything before she quickly followed with more. "A-anyways, let's just... get out."

—

"That was nice." Komaru declared after she gave Toko a cup of warm milk. "Anyways, let's play truth or dare!"

Toko looked up at her. "I-I have a q-question..." She said, her hands fidgeting.

"Yeah? Ask away!" Komaru hoped she didn't sound nervous, but her voice still cracked a little. She hoped Toko didn't notice, and that she wasn't going to ask about why the heck Komaru was staring at her like that.

"How d-do you p-play this g-game?" Toko said. Komaru let out a sigh of relief before realizing what Toko just asked. 

"Wait, you've never played truth or dare?!" Komaru seemed shocked. She thought Toko knew since she agreed... Well, okay, maybe she just agreed to be nice, but still.

Toko hated how shocked she sounds. It's not her fault she never bothered to learn the rules, it's just... she didn't really want anything associated with it. "W-well, last time I h-heard about it, I g-got asked out only b-because some guy l-lost the game." ...She regretted it the moment it came out of her mouth. She didn't mean for her tone to sound like that, but it just did.

"Oh... I'm sorry." Komaru blinked and took a moment to soak in the information. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad." Because now she feels bad for making Toko feel bad.

"I-it's fine..." Toko doesn't even know if she should be offended or not by this point.

—

"So that's all the rules of truth or dare!" Komaru clasped her hands together. "It's pretty simple, right?"

"I'd s-say it's a g-game for p-prying into s-secrets..." Toko didn't sound too happy about the game. Komaru assumed it's because she was offended by the guy asking he out.

"Well... Not really. It's supposed to be fun, but I guess you can see it that way..." Komaru shrugged. "Don't feel bad about that one dude. If he can't see how pretty you are, then frick him."

"I-I'm not...!" Toko's body just got more tense. Okay, maybe that wasn't not the best thing to say to your newfound maybe crush when you want to comfort them... "Well... Believe it or not." Komaru shrugged, with a look that said It don’t care what you think you’re pretty to me either way’.

“Ugh...” Toko groaned and hunched her back, still sitting on the floor along with Komaru. “How about w-we just start a-already...” She said.

“Um... okay, I’ll go first then. Toko, truth or dare?” Komaru asked, thinking about the things she could ask about.

Toko thought about which one to pick. Originally, she already thought of picking truth, but maybe that would make her seem like a coward... And who knows what weird stuff Komaru might ask?! But if she picked dare, she might be forced to do something weird... Oh great, Toko didn’t think playing a game was this hard, but apparently it is.

“...t-truth, I guess..” Toko managed to sputter our after a few moments of thinking and intense debate in her mind. In the end she just randomly picked one because she couldn’t decide which was a better choice for her.

Komaru blinked. She actually thought Toko might pick dare, especially after hearing how resentful she sounded towards questions, but she thought. Komaru smiled and searched through questions she could ask Toko. First thing off the list would definitely be things about her past... She’s not stupid or anything (well... sometimes it does seem like it), it’s really not hard to figure out that she can’t ask about that when it’s obviously a touchy subject.

“Okay... how about... what’s your least favorite book ever?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very sorry about the late update. I was busy with some real life stuff, and when I decided it’s time for me to start writing again, I didn’t find much motivation for writing about Tokomaru. I’ll try to keep frequent updates from now on, I have ideas about what would happen in the future, but feel free to give suggestions of what you would like to see and feel free to give out criticism!  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


End file.
